by Dwayne
Hunn
Lackey of
the people
Monday
morning: Sacramento Office of Long Term Paining (OLTP). Joe wore his
sunglasses, landed his shaky cup of black coffee aside his 486 bit Baby Blue,
rubbed his temples, flicked on his monitor and checked for recent file events
from the land of NIMBYs;
“Another
lost weekend at Fourth Street Tavern, eh, Mr. Sixpack?” Melissa said, sashaying
by in a tight, but shoulderless, dress. “By the way Shurkit wants to see you.”
“Huh?”
"The beer in your gut put wax in your ears? The boss, U.S. Shirkit, wants to S-E-E Y-O-U."
"Heard you. Say, what's wrong with Sally Army's fashion rack? They run out of shoulder patches?"
"Sweet Joe… Go see if you're a budget prune."
The blue lettering of Ulysses vs. Shirkit,
Director stood out on the open door.
As Ulysses saw Joe, he cupped his phone and motioned him in. Joe looked
around the room as he. waited for the phone conversation to end. Mr. Shirkit had his power blue suit coat
hanging on a wall hook near the pictures of him with Reagan, Bush and Wayne
Newton. As Joe began to peer at some of the other memorabilia, Mr. Shirkit’s
phone conversation ended.
“Sit here,
Joe. Joe. as you know, Governor Wilson has been fighting hard to chop the fat
out of the bureaucracy. Trying to cut those 108 public information officers on
the Assembly and Senate staffs is part of his battle. We too must do our part..
“You've
done a job compiling information on issues affecting California’s North Bay!
Such a good job that I want you to assume some of our released public
information officer’s duties.
“You’ll be
responsible for responding to constituent concerns... Any questions? Okay,
check your mail bin.” -
Sure enough. Joe returned to a filled
mail tray. Joe put his 100% UVA protected Blue Lights back on, titled back and
read.
Mazlo Routh
69Seabring Way
San Rafael, CA
Dear Governor Wilson:
Hope you’re having a good day! I figure that you could have a better day if you could save a few more bucks. So, as a citizen who’s concerned about grace, doing away with government waste and putting as much excellence in governing as Rush does in broadcasting, I'm offering some level headed big buck savings. The other day I was reading the newspaper (as lots more others should). After doing so. I went to my City’s Council meeting (also as lots more others should). You know why I went? Because one of our BIG government agencies want to cement away a BIG HUNDRED MILLION DOLLARS of our hard earned tax dollars! Want to know what on? On widening our 101 freeway!
Now let me make one thing
perfectly clear. I like freeways. Once you've seen one you've seen them all,
but I still like them. Also liked it when they widened the 101 freeway a few
years ago. Wasn't so sure that I liked the big sound walls they put up, though.
Now, I got real concerns about
wastes and short-sightedness. You see, Caltrans, this big agency that works for
you, wants to knock down this big, expensive wall they just put up with my tax
bucks, pick up the railroad tracks behind it (By the way, did you see the
historical Roger Rabbit movie about how LA lost their rail line? If you were in
Washington or San Diego working and missed it, you could rent it. Video Droid
has it for $2.50) and promise to replace them on the other side of the freeway
on some other day.
Problem is real people live in
houses on the other side where Caltrans promises to relay the track. Of course,
they don’t say when or how much it would cost to lay track where those houses
now are. Sounds like this could Wound a bunch of Knees. (Get the point of my
arrow, Chief?)
You could probably tell I’m pretty well read and traveled. Cosmopolitan
like: Been to Europe too. Eurorailed everywhere (almost) on trains. So in
addition to being a member of the Grace Commission vs. Government Waste, I also
like trains (although I am not yet a Charter Member of any train commission).
You know, this cacamainey Caltrans plan seems like some resurrected
Commie plot. Think about this. Tracks run throughout our great state. But take
them out of a few communities and what happens to our interconnected American
rail.system? (It’s like losing a couple pieces of a great. puzzle.) When we had
the earthquake, freeways crumbled. What happened to rail? Rail track hardly got
bent! Trains can’t work. when you hopscotch pieces of the track. We need them
connected to handle disasters and, God forbid, combat an invasion..
I, for one, like you, for two,
don’t like second best! I don’t like it that we have about the world’s 44th
best rail system and I know that sooner or later — maybe right after we fix the
budget we’ll start making our rail system the best! Please look into this.
Don’t let those big government guys waste my money. Don’t let them steel the
iron that Won the West! Don’t force east San Rafael folks to circle their
Winnebagos against phony government taking
Please let me know you’ll be standing strongly on the tracks! I remain
—
Your steadfastly environmentally aware constituent
Joe
rolled his eyes, slid his sunglasses off his nose, picked, scratched and
muttered, as he went off to the bathroom.